Single ladies… what we all think but don’t say out loud

Disclaimer: if opiniated women or honesty make you uncomfortable, proceed with caution or close your browser right now. No matter how I try to soften my forthcoming delivery, it’s still going to come across as a rant. But I am not going to apologise. Because I speak on behalf of the millions of sisters who endure this crap in silence.

Let me start off by saying that I am always ecstatic when someone comes to me with news of marriage. There is a beautiful prophetic saying in Islam: “When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his deen (religion),” and I’ve been fortunate enough to have witnessed this in my family…where marriage has indeed been a vehicle that draws the couple closer to their Creator. On the other hand, I have also seen marriages where the opposite happens.

In a world where romantic attachments or the ability to “get a guy” seem to be the yardstick that women are measured against, I’d say it takes a really strong woman to be single in the 21st century. Strong to be single? Yes. Because the vast majority of society still judges women on their marital status…If you don’t have a man, people automatically assume that there is something wrong with you.

Women were not put on this earth to only be wives and mothers. Our Creator did not just give us ovaries and a uterus – He gave us brains, interests, personalities…and the ability to combine these three in ways that can affect positive change in the world, the same as our married sisters, the same as our brothers.

Here’s the other thing: many of us would love to be wives and mothers, but may never get the opportunity (for many reasons – circumstance, physical health, mental health, destinty, etc.). Faith and Logic tell me that this may not be in the Almighty’s plan for me, and that is completely okay. But as rational and accepting as I am, I do still feel the sting of longing when I see a man kissing his wife hello after a long day at work, or see my nephew throw his arms around his mother, or hear my colleague say that he greets his wife before she goes to sleep every night.

Throughout my life, I’ve been surrounded by incredible women (family and friends). They’ve done amazing things, both professionally and personally, and make monumental positive differences within their communities and in the world on bigger scales. Some of them found their significant others early…some found theirs later. And some have yet to find theirs. They all have one thing in common though: At some point, they have all been judged or pitied for being single. And to add insult to injury, most of the time, this judgement and pity comes from family.

In addition to this, they have to endure a running commentary from everyone. “You must get married now, you’re not getting younger.” “Why are you not married?” “You’re too picky.” And my personal favourite, “You are going to be next!” Really? Did the Almighty whisper it in your ear? Did He give you special powers to make this happen or to foresee the future?

The next time you feel the need to pass any of the comments above to an unmarried lady, I would like you to pause and consider how shit you are making her feel, not just because she hears those words over and over from people who have no genuine interest in her life (yes! You are not the first one to offer her this “advice” or condescending pity) but because you are basically telling her that everything else in her life means nothing because she’s single.

If you feel the need to pass a comment, let it be a positive one, on all of the good that she does…for her family, in her job, for her community.

To all my single sisters: you are an important part of humanity. Thank you for helping to make this world better. Thank you for holding your families together. Thank you for supporting your communities. May you be rewarded for all your efforts with your deepest wishes (whatever they may be…) 

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