Unarmed

As a child I lived in a world of dreams,
The fabric of my life woven with unusual seams,
It never occurred that my life could be other,
A father, twelve children, and not one but two mothers.

Behind every dream though, lurks a reality,
One I was shielded from constantly,
But one day the shield started to crack,
And I’ve never been able to mend it back.

Now, that shield is shattered. And my reality
Is not at all what I had thought it to be.
Every injustice, every sadness, every tragedy,
Unveiled and exposed for me to see.

There are days it all becomes too much to take,
Where my ribcage and skull feel like they’re about to break
Where all I want is to scream and shout,
Throw my toys out the cot and thrash about.

But I choke it down, ’cause this simmering rage,
Cannot explode, not at my age.
I’ve outgrown my toys, and when I climb into bed,
I try to contain the meltdown in my head.